you froze the fire in my chest
by MissingMommy
Summary: Charis takes her sister's place in marrying Caspar Crouch. She doesn't regret it, even after running into Cedrella nearly 14 years later. :: Companion to What Really Matters, ft. Seer!Charis.


Her wedding is everything Charis ever dreamed of since she was a child. The morning is bright and clear, the snow storm from the night before only left a layer of fresh snow and cold air. Her dress is heavy enough to keep her warm, but not too heavy to impair her walking.

She walks down the aisle, her back straight and her hands wrapped around a bouquet of amaryllis flowers. Callidora beams at her as she passes, a reserved blonde haired girl in her lap and a loving husband beside her. Her father leaves her at the altar with pride in his dark eyes. This is where her fantasy wedding ends and reality takes ahold.

The man she stands next to isn't Charlus Potter, with his warm eyes and friendly smile. It's not the man she saw her future with, the happiness that was meant to be hers but gave up. Instead, she stands next to the man Cedrella was betrothed to marry—Caspar Crouch. When her sister married Septimus during the summer, her father had hastily arranged for Charis to take Cedrella's place that same winter, just after she turned seventeen, even though she still has half of her seventh year to finish.

Caspar is handsome enough, she supposes; all blond hair and blues eyes, but he holds none of Charlus' warmth. He is an iceberg and Charis knows she's going to freeze. She's going to freeze so that Cedrella can drown in Septimus' warmth, just as Callidora did before her. She loves her sisters more than she hates that she's already seen how unhappy he'll make her. Without protest, she says her vows, exchanges the wedding rings, and becomes Mrs Caspar Crouch.

He kisses her; it's a claiming kiss and Charis can't help but remember the memories of her dreams, the gentle feel of Charlus' lips on hers. She longs for the warmth she once saw in her dreams. But she's made her choice and now she has to live with it.

* * *

Charis gets her first taste of real freedom since she finished Hogwarts thirteen years ago, on September first. Of course, she's accompanied her husband to gatherings at other Pureblood's houses through the years, but she hasn't been to Callidora's for tea or out for anything besides what Caspar wants. He wants her in the house at all times, and she's never allowed guests without his permission.

But today, she gets to see Bartemius off to the Hogwarts Express. Alone. Asking permission had left her with bruises blooming around her neck that she isn't allowed to heal. Caspar likes to know that she has proof of whatever lesson he "taught" her on her skin.

There are many things she's learned in the fourteen years of their marriage—the most important one that there was no explanation for his fits of rage; being the perfect wife meant absolutely nothing.

She ties a red scarf around her neck to hide the bruises even though it's not nearly cold enough for it and pastes on a smile. She makes her way downstairs, calling out, "Bartemius, it's time to go!"

Her son comes down the stairs, his trunk clanking loudly as he pulls it along. He looks so much Caspar that it hurts all of the time. She looks at Bartemius and she sees a young Caspar. She's seen his future too, but her husband has made it impossible for her to fix; she can't show Bartemius the kindness she wants, can't show him that beating his frustrations away on someone doesn't make it disappear. She's seen her son grow into his father's shadow and can do nothing more than watch her visions come to life.

She swallows back the bile at the back of her throat and Apparates him to Platform 9 and ¾. Bartemius looks pleased as he looks at the scarlet train. She remembers the awe she felt when she first saw it. Bartemius turns to her and nods. "I will see you at Christmas, mother."

Before she gets a chance to say anything else, he makes a dash for the train. She's left watching his blond head navigate the crowd. When she sees he's safely on the train, she looks around. The timing is crucial as she finds what she's looking for.

Cedrella has her arms wrapped around a boy Bartemius' age with a shocking head of red hair—something he clearly gets from Septimus. Her sister must feel her eyes because she glances around. She straightens minutely as she meets Cedrella's eyes for the first time in nearly fifteen years.

She turns on her heels, heading back towards the Apparition zone. Then suddenly, she's pulled into a corner of the platform. She fights the urge to smile. It gone exactly how she foresaw it to. Slipping her wand out, she casts a silencing charm around them. She can't be too careful.

"Did anyone see you?" she asks softly.

Cedrella's grey eyes flicker across her face, taking in every detail, before she shakes her head mutely. Charis can't wait another moment; she wraps her arms around her sister tightly. She misses Cedrella more than Callidora; at least she gets to see her oldest sister at gatherings. Her sister pulls back after a few moments with worry lining her face.

"Callidora said she hasn't really spoken to you in a long time," Cedrella says, getting straight to the point. When Charis gives her sister a confused look, she explains herself. "Augusta is the same age as Anne. We had a quick chat after they got on the train. She's worried about you."

Charis opens her mouth to speak, a lie on the tip of her tongue, when Cedrella narrows her eyes. Before she can protest, her sister pulls away the scarf. Cedrella's disgust is written clearly in her eyes. There's a long stretch of silence until either of them can find their voice.

Her sister's eyes don't move away from the bruises. "It should've been me," she whispers.

Charis remembers that day she sat, looking out over the Hogwarts grounds, telling her sister to accept Septimus marriage proposal. It feels like another lifetime.

"I knew what I was getting myself into," Charis confesses.

Cedrella's attention is brought away from the bruising, and Charis takes this time to take her scarf back to cover her neck. Her sister looks disturbed at Charis' reply. "And you let it be you?"

"Things get better, or worse, depending on your point of view, Cedrella. I told you once that I saw how unhappy you were with Caspar. For me, it being better was you being as happy as Callidora," she says evenly.

Cedrella shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. "It was never your job to make me happy, sister."

"You being unhappy would've tainted any happiness I found," she admits. "It's okay. When I dream of you and Callidora, I see happiness. I see your children and your grandchildren all happy and strong and destined for great things. I don't need more than that."

Her sister clearly doesn't like Charis' rationale. "Did you ever dream of your own future. Be honest with me this time."

"I paid a price in that future," she answers. "At least in this one, I've foreseen I will always know who the people are around me. In the other one, I hurt others accidentally when I couldn't remember them."

Cedrella looks like she's been hit with an avalanche of conflicting emotions. "It still should've been me."

She inhales deeply. "It doesn't matter now. We can't undo what has already been done. Just, show Anne and Arthur what true love is." She swallows thickly. "I really need to be going."

"Please protect yourself. If ever you need me, don't hesitate to ask," she says. She produces a piece of parchment from thin air, writing an address neatly as if she were writing an invitation instead. "You'll find me or Septimus here."

Charis takes the address from her sister. She wraps her arms around Cedrella tightly. At least she'll remember what the warmth of love feels like. "Send my love to Callidora, okay?"

Her sister pulls away, fear in her eyes. She isn't nearly as oblivious as Charis would like. She casts her sister a sad, defeated look but Apparates away before Cedrella can speak. She's had a bad feeling about this meeting for years now.

* * *

Charis cowers in front of Caspar. He's never been this angry before. It's a pure, untempered rage that terrifies her. He casts the Cruciatus curse on her, over and over ago. Her voice has grown hoarse despite the fact that she doesn't want to give him the pleasure of hearing her scream.

She finally understands one of her first visions she had after marrying him—Bartemius and Caspar attending a funeral—as she sees the green light produced from his wand. At least she dies with a heart that isn't as frozen as she thought it would be.

* * *

Hogwarts assignment 7: Careers Advice, task 3 - write about an abusive relationship

Love in Motion: het - CharisCaspar

Auction: "It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty, because there's water in the cup" - Rudy Francisco, 1493

Couples Appreciation: arranged marriage

Unicorn: Emotion - Unhappy

Film festival: (item) red scarf

Tv addicts: 13 Reasons Why - (dialogue) "things get better, or worse, depending on your point of view.", (word) disturbed, (word) confession

Gobstone: Yellow - survival; (word) blooming, (object) wedding ring, (emotion) disgust

Scavenger: write about a pairing with less than 50 stories

Bingo: emotion - afraid

Easter bunny: purple - (flower) amaryllis

Character appreciation: (word) oblivious

Disney: Piglet - write about someone who feels small

Amber's Attic: this is for the times you went through hell so somebody else wouldn't have to

Book club: Sam Black-Crow - (plot point) reunion, (word) kiss, (object) bouquet of flowers

Showtime: One Day in October - write about someone marrying out of obligation

Days: Husband Appreciation Day - write about a husband

Buttons: (dialogue) "Did anyone see you?", (word) avalanche

Lyric Alley: But I live with that

Ami's audio: #RedRumRoses - Word: Invitation. Alt. Threat.

Lo's Lowdown: Bruce Banner - write about someone with anger management issues

Insane: 687. Event - A reunion

365: 127. Event - Reunion


End file.
